Where have you gone my dear?

Without going into too much detail and without giving away too much I'm going to tell you all where I have been from Monday to today Thursday. Without cell service, including internet. It was awesome for 98% of the time to disconnect from the world except a few calls home and to my mommy. So here it goes. There's an amazing company called Younique. They sell makeup. Well the have another part to them called the Younique Foundation (not the makeup foundation) and it's for woman who have been sexually abused when they were children. They have a house and cabin in Utah that they rent out 3 weeks a month for women to come and stay. We have all our meals cooked fresh right on sight. And boy can I tell you NOTHING is going to compare to the stuff we ate. We literally ate like royalty. And then we had groups and group activities. And classes we could take. Muay Thai was my favorite and freaking amazing!!!!!! I was having a pretty shitty day and I'll explain why in a minute and it helped get me to have a better attitude. The day before we had a photo shoot. I won't go into detail. But I did not have a good experience with it. I felt completely ugly and just not in a good place. I also struggled HARD with the fact that I wasn't the photographer and I also couldn't see my photos or have control over them. So it was really eating at me. Tuesday night I had to double up on xanax. And Wednesday I was just so drained and exhausted from putting so much negative energy into it. Tuesday night I asked the case manager, "cutie pie" as I called her, to sit and talk to me in private about the whole situation and that helped a lot. She is the sweetest thing ever and I love her freaking face. But we came to the conclusion that I'm a badass!!!!!!! And when we made out art journals that's exactly what I made.

I love it. I don't know where it came from but it appeared on the paper. Group therapy was really hard for me. I can't handle sitting and having everyone's emotions being poured out and I take on their emotions. I'm way too empathetic. And I need to learn to not allow them to consume my life. I did take a lot away from the retreat. I definately missed my babies. And John. And I needed/missed Loki A TON. He calms and grounds me. Im so glad to be home with my family. Im struggling a bit and a little low. I miss my girls. Im glad some live in Utah but others don't. Im going to miss the staff. They were incredible. But we can't contact them. Which sucks. Damn HIPPA and confidentiality. If you have any questions feel free to ask away.